International Women's Day
As I sat down to write my intended post on birthing rights in the US, something else was stirring in me that needed to come out. Have you ever had that happen to you? You just can’t go in the direction you initially set out for, you just have to pivot. Which brings me to this:
“The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
Proverbs 14:1
This scripture hits home for me. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Whoa. To me, this speaks to my family. If I am wise, I am speaking life and encouragement into my husband and children. I am not condemning, critical and passive aggressive in my responses or conversations. I am compassionate and empathetic. I take my time in listening, and ask questions. I connect and engage. I am a rock. The safe place for my family. The one they come to knowing there is no judgment, but love and in love will give them constructive feedback. I impart wisdom and truth. At least, those are the characteristics that I want to have and be known for, but those are not the way that I always am. Sometimes I go from 0-99 in .00002 seconds. And other times when I could be flying off the wall in rage, I remain un-phased and calm. Oh, how I long for the days of steadiness!
In all honesty, it’s easy to feel like you need to “just get through the day” especially when you have young kids. But what if we flipped our mindsets to “wow, I am so grateful to spend another day with these little humans!” As women and mothers we have so many messages being forced upon us from society. They imply that we are not good mothers if we do or do not do ____. We need rosé to function as a mother. “Bed time is the best time” You’re not thin enough, or pretty enough, that mom bod should look like “this” and don’t even get me started on the “Instagram mom” feeds. You know the one, 75 kids coloring peacefully and perfectly while the house is spotless and there is an 8-course from-scratch dinner in the works. None of that is reality. Maybe the coloring peacefully part - but don’t worry, it only lasted for the second the picture was taken!
But what about intentionality in our homes? What about intentionality in our mothering? If only we were flooded with encouragement in that! Instead of “is it happy hour yet?!” how about words and a heart that shows us wanting to be present and the best that we can be for our children. We need a cultural mind shift. A shift back to the truth, which is - yes it’s hard, yes it’s tiring, but we can still show up in awesome ways for our family. We are responsible for raising the next generation of world leaders and impact makers. We need to be pouring into them, instead of trying to get away from them.
We have the power to build up our children and husbands. And we have the power to tear them down. Our words towards them either give them life or take it away. Think of them as a balloon. We can either breathe in air, or take away air; increasing or decreasing their self-love, self-worth and self-esteem. Have you heard the saying what you say to your children becomes their inner voice? It’s so true, and that’s what makes it SO scary. What are we speaking to our kids on a daily basis? Is it something that was spoken to us as kids? I mean, how many times have you opened your mouth but instead of you talking, your mother’s voice suddenly came out! And you have said something that hurt you as a child, but you are now speaking it to your children - even though you don’t want to. That’s so normal. But it’s also not something that we should sit in and be ok with doing. Because if we allow it to continue, when our children are older - our mother’s words will be coming out of their mouths too.
I know that none of us are perfect. I mean, heck - I have been through some seasons of my life where I felt like every day was an episode of survivor and I just needed to be saved from the island. I have had the (sometimes multiple) times of day where I pretend to be going to the bathroom for some alone time - as they bang on the door to try and get to me anyway. But I also realized that the people and voices that I was allowing into my life were also just complaining a lot of the time about how hard being a mom was. Sometimes it’s not the voice of our mother but the voice of the mothers around us.
This, no-joke, came up as something I posted on Facebook 9 years ago.
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” - M. Scott Peck”
How true is that? And how spot on is that for motherhood? What if we all just “get over it” for lack of a better term? And instead of piling on with how overwhelming it can be - how much coffee we need to get through the day - and all of that, we just try and ENJOY it.
It’s time to be intentional and uplifting with our words our relationships. The world has enough gunk on it. Let’s be set apart as the one’s who shine light! As Mother Teresa said, “ If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”
